Copout

It would be so easy for me to get into a “religious” debate, which would have NO positive outcome in terms of my relations with family (which is currently estranged), yet there are issues which I believe transcend the temporal association of the familial.  Should it be ‘me’ to address these things, or should I leave it to some other, hereto unknown, I have NO absolute knowledge, I can only follow my convictions, hoping there will be or are others recognizing the logic, truth and wisdom.

The Bible, in my own estimation, contains elements of truth, half-truths and error. I once had an extremely intellectual Pastor who (after reading one of his plethora of reading material) tried to limit this truth-half-truth-error equation to the book of Ecclesiastes, but this ultimately put me on a course of greater critical exploration into Biblical assumptions. It remains to be stated I stayed within the Fundamentalist Evangelical fold and even for a while reverted to an Orthodox Reformed fellowship for a significant period. This is not to say I accepted all, or most, or much of their institutional dogma, but I did allow hierarchal authorities sufficient time and opportunity to attempt to convince me of their positions. Ultimately upon exiting ecclesiastic environs, I would be deemed a ‘heretic’ at best (which by their standards I do not deny).

But I have come to realize, regardless of numbers or popularity, their standards (as Biblical as they may be, and in many cases as a result of Biblical assumption) are NOT absolute, and reliance on one or another perceived Biblical line of reasoning only produces one or another attempt to “copout” of what is proclaimed to be an absolute adherence to the complete inerrancy and infallibility of the Biblical canon.

Now it must be stated, and this will be used as an argument proving my unscriptural and unspiritual thinking, that I do not recognize the “Bible” as the inerrant, infallible “Word” of God. It does contain “truth”, “half-truths” and “errors”. And more often than not, it is the religious (and quite specifically “Orthodox”) approach and thinking which establishes these errors. A general “rule of thumb” or “benchmark” of Orthodox thinking (Roman Catholic-Protestant-Eastern Orthodox) is that all human reasoning must stand up to the test of Biblical critique, all dependent upon one or another limited interpretations as accepted by the denomination, elders or established hierarchy.

Now, claiming a Biblical absolute of inerrancy, infallibility and unchanging nature, a popular way to circumvent “Old Testament” Levitical Law is to limit the ‘law’ or ‘command’ as pertaining to the original Hebrews, who received it under Moses as they were led out of Egypt toward the ‘promised land’, Or as stated “were given to Jewish people. And unless you are Jewish that would not pertain to you”.  This is a fundamental error of interpretation and understanding of the purpose of what is a ‘law’, or what is the nature of “law” if in fact the “inerrancy, infallibility and unchanging nature” of the Bible is to be accepted. I do state that I do not accept this absolute quality as espoused. Law does change. Even that which is proposed as “Gods law”.

There is a significant amount of debate within the Orthodox religious community as to the progressive nature of revelation in the history of the Hebrew/Jewish scriptures, and culminating in the appearance of Jesus Christ. I cannot argue against this as progressive revelation and development of thought is a universal reality in the area of philosophy and thought. Simply attributing one path of understanding to a “divine” character does not invalidate it, but only approaches the same reality in terms and images suited to a particular frame of thinking or mind. This is not an endorsement of that framework, but understanding within a particular community, insecurities with the limits of human intellectual ability outweigh any trust in personal and collective knowledge. This is not a wholly unfounded mind-set, but does have a tendency to become arbitrarily binding, IE a “retarded” state of intellectual development and resultant emotional immaturity likely ensues.

As law’s evolve, within the context of an enlightened community, (religious or not), greater inclusion and acceptance occur. This does not preclude abuses of individual liberties, but these are perpetrated by the less enlightened, or religiously intolerant, those predisposed not to accept the changing evolving nature of all reality. There have always been, and I believe, will always be the segment (and at times, a particularly large segment) of the populace who for whatever reason cannot or refuse to see the reality of the world changing around them. These could be antiquated religious reasons, lack of education or a stubborn clinging to some preferred ignorance. All these are ignorance of one sort or another.

Laws evolve to meet the changing climate of society. The sluggishness of this process creates the angle of stress. If too much force or resistance be exerted from either direction, the function of law fails. Whether thought of as divine in nature or a process of logic, the ‘law’ sets the reference points of our relations to each other. These, in themselves, are not absolute, but evolving as the human mind and community are able to adapt. This does not suppose that all peoples or regions are capable of adapting equally, but recognizes that progress, with any sort of stability, not deteriorating into violence and mayhem, comes slower than most enlightened would hope, and quicker than all predisposed are prepared to accept.

the drab reality of the American Middle West

“… the drab reality of the American Middle West … the social tyrannies and cultural emptiness …the conventions of village life … hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness … total conformity …thinking and feeling with the crowd.” (Perceptions of Sinclair Lewis on Mid-Western America) … And these are the positive attributes. Yet each may be amplified, and are, only to render a more diminished reality of life. Ignorance abounds, and may be perceived as elevated in its social estimation. Intelligence, education and real ‘acquired’ or sought after knowledge, suspect, if not actually disdained.  

 

But I know for a fact it is not only the Mid-West. Such attitudes pervade across the entirety of the country, but, I must say, seem to be all the more so at this juncture, at least, more openly so. “God, Guns and Automobiles” such is the mantra of what America has become. A pragmatism which asserts a self will and intention and damn the far reaching consequences. If it works, if only in the short term, and for the temporary benefit of the few involved, let’s ‘do it’. Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead tomorrow will take care of itself.  It’s our ‘Manifest Destiny’, as if anyone really knows what that is all about. 

 

I have found there are 'Theists' (those who in one form or another assert the reality of some 'god' or deity), Atheists (those who at least verbally deny any such entity existing above and beyond themselves), and Mammonists (those who ascribe to one or another deity, or not, but in actuality deify the gain to be sought for in what ever monetary rewards are available). More often than not, the theists are in actuality mammonists, as they account financial success or  accomplishment as being the evidence of theistic approval and reward. The atheists, may equally be in reality mammonists, as they too are equally susceptible to the economic pressures and realities which concern all realizing a material existence, and must live in accordance with a common set of values as all must do. As such, common ideals are adopted, whether theistic in origin or otherwise. The dominant religious being the most convenient, though not necessarily adhered to by either the theist or the non-theist, but a foundation for arbitration existing to make the system of relations tenable, but not without sufficient negotiation.  

 

As the general nature of culture becomes more distant and less involved with the history which led to its own evolution and dimensions, ignorance prevails and a spiraling disintegration ensues. In such a system I find my reality, and in such I must allow myself to become involved. It is not the reality of the 'Internet', where I may pick and choose my friends and acquaintances, but the reality of flesh and blood, and human beings of less than perfect character and aspirations, of failures and those trying to find redemption, some meaning and value to their own existence, and for what it's worth I join them and seek my own. 

religion and spirituality

I separate the concepts of “religion” or “being religious” from that of the “spiritual” or “spirituality”. To me religion is the attempts of humankind to construct a vehicle or some sort of device in order to acquiesce that which is contrived to be the divine. All too often these being the manipulations of the “few” to manage or control those less confident in their own relationship to whatever it may be which they conceive as divinity, and there not being any fool proof absolute of what constitutes divinity and the lack of acknowledged absolutes being taught, has left the general state of the human condition regarding the subject virtually void. There is an “anything goes” sort of approach to things religious and spiritual. He who is most persistent and often the loudest and dominant is perceived as being the most “together” in their knowledge and relationship to divinity, assuming that there is such an entity. And these, by virtue of their own imaginations, often reinforced by historic, generally acknowledged scripture to which a culture looks to and relies on, create their own ideal of what is spiritual and that faith which is most beneficial in relating the divine in the context of their community. These are the demagogues and manipulators of the minds of humanity, preying on the ignorance of the majority and ultimately retarding the natural evolution of consciousness, and all that which is the human species.

 Spirituality or existence as a spiritual being on the other hand is a totally different thing. It is not tied to or dependent upon any contrivance of religious notion, although may contribute to some religious development. Being is the only qualification associated with such existence. One may call one’s self by any number of religious ideologies, or even deny such or any divinity, they are really irrelevant. The closest we, as human beings, may understand this “spirituality” is in the fact of our awareness of being or “consciousness”. This is a state I believe all can acknowledge, although I must admit an ignorance to the fact that states of unconsciousness do exist, which in the longer run must be included and may shed an even greater illumination upon our understanding of what is our nature as humans, as beings and possibly as the divine. I admit I seek answers to questions which as a human being may never be realized, yet I do so as endowed with an unquenchable desire to come all the closer to the “truth”, not knowing what that may entail or whether such even exists or even whether having found it I would desire it. These are irrelevancies.

 Although I perceive demagogues dominating the religious environment, denomination or sect not being relevant but rather different shades of varying colors, it should not be assumed that I consider the originators of various religious platforms as such. These I find, for the most part, to have been well meaning initiators of doctrine and dogma transcending the once commonly held orthodoxy. Yet this does not preclude the fact that imaginative charlatans have in the past and continue to pervert commonly held religious notions to their own advantage. The primary problem is that as doctrine and dogma have been elevated and sanctified, they are championed by second and third generation adherents as being their actual experience, when in fact they are the hand me down religious thinking of predecessors, long gone and far removed from the actual fact, and what is promoted is not in actual fact firsthand experience. The doctrine of the experience has lost its meaning and effectiveness. It is effectively to be relegated to the realm of legend. Only firsthand actual experience is of value as being the closest thing to objective truth. And yet even this is not without possible criticism, as the state of human perception is anything but absolute and untainted by subjective preference. The reality being pure objectivity does not exist, at least, not as may be comprehended by human sense and reason.

 Recognizing and stating all this does not make for sufficient reason not to continue seeking, for only by seeking is it possible to grow that much closer to that which “IS”. The fault as it exists is not in the seeking, but rather (1) in the ambition of those who would exploit to their advantage what is newly realized, and (2) with the vast numbers (if not actually the majority) who find it too inconvenient and too much effort to actually use their minds to do the mental work requisite to consider and analyze what it is they are mentally consuming and allowing to influence them.

 Being of different opinions regarding truth and what may (or may not) constitute a thing is not the issue, but rather the unwillingness to set aside one’s own ideas in order to more fully appreciate those of another. This does not mean adopting another’s views and ideas, but having the mental and psychological fortitude to see an issue as perceived from the vantage of another with differing perspective, and then if and as needed evaluate and critique such, stepping back into ones original position. Such, means taking a risk that one’s own values and world view may be affected and altered in the process. Many find this a fearful thing. These are those who without due process of thought adopt into religious and political ideologies of the status quo. I have found, by accident of experience, that I am not one of these. By accident of experience I do not mean that I set out to be such, but rather through life’s experiences found this is me, the way I am. Too be sure, mistakes have been made, but life has a way of getting one back on track or correcting direction, if one is of a mind to pay attention and not give up. This also does not mean that life is resolved in a manner which would please others, but rather I am established to be more focused on what it is that constitutes me as a human being. Is there an end to it? I rather think not, but cannot say with absolute certainty.

 

 

Something Right – July 19

There is a line in a song, it may even be the title, I simply don’t know but it says or at least implies “Somewhere, somehow, I must have done something right”. Or maybe it’s just our “Western” (and Eastern influenced) way of thinking which tries to account for the reality of our experiences through a “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” or the “cause and effect” Newtonian-Cartesian mind set. A mind set which takes very well to the concept of “Karma”. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but on the other hand there are the acausual synchronicities which cannot be explained through the “cause and effect” model. They simply happen, at most explained as some deeper inner psychic or (to use a controversial idea) spiritually related occurrence. Or to be even more difficult to comprehend (though established through physics and science) the Quantum nature of reality witnessed on the micro and macro levels of reality beyond normal human senses and sensation.

Regardless of what it is, or is not (as a means of explanation or accounting for). “At someplace, somehow, I must have done something right.” I don’t know, it simply is … Some would say “It is ‘God’”. I don’t have a problem with that  except “That is the easy ‘cop-out’” assuming we, the human being cannot comprehend, cannot think and understand and ultimately are not made in the image of the ‘God’ some would account any unknowable too. Yet it is continually evidenced, knowledge increases, and that once attributed to no other than one or another deity, is known and understood as simply the way the universe and reality is.

I do not find this to be refutation of “God”. Neither do I propose the absolute reality of some “other” figure or supreme-being as “God”. But it is my acknowledgement of our, the human beings, growing and increasing knowledge and understanding of that which is the divine. And if there is a “mind of God”, it is accessible to us and ultimately “in us”, as is proclaimed by the Apostle Paul himself that “we have the mind of Christ”. The error of the “Orthodox Church” is their literal absolute universal claim to exclusivity regarding this mind.

Yet, something’s work out right and no explanation seems sufficient. It is kind of the opposite of “Shit Happens”.

Hats – July 12, 2013

In this Texas sun and being outside a lot, I need to wear some kind of hat. Now I do not feel comfortable in one of those wide brimmed “cowboy” hats that many down here wear. An I will not, even as a joke, put on a sombrero, which is not uncommon. But a simple baseball cap, with a bill in the front to shade my eyes is ideal for me.

When Mary first got here and we had a little cash and not having a hat, I cleared it with her to get one for just about five dollars. A large blue star was front center and immediately I was assumed in the ranks of fans of the Dallas Cowboys. Not such a bad place to be, but I don’t follow football ( or any other sport team). But being quiet and a disposition to be agreeable (on matters of little importance) and bow to the expertise of self-proclaimed authorities, maintaining a satisfactory relationship within the community was relatively easy.

Now the Dallas Cowboys did not have a very good year and on New Year’s Day at a dinner for the homeless I was able to acquire a new hat, this one with the phrase “House the Homeless” on the front. But receiving the hat I was told I’d have to turn in my Dallas Cowboys hat. I think he was joking, but I responded with “Well, they aren’t doing anything this year” and laid my Cowboy’s hat on the desk. My new “homeless” hat was not the quality of the first, but it did have a bill and did the job of keeping the sun out of my eyes.  

Now not having clippers to regularly trim my beard, it was starting to grow out and it was not uncommon to be complimented on it. It was full and well-formed and gave the appearance of an Old Testament prophet or Santa Clause. It was not uncommon to hear “Hey, Santa Clause” from over-weight women in Wal-Mart, or ‘frat’ boys half-drunk wanting to impress some UT coed.

Now my hat was becoming well-worn and stained from the sweat of my head, my beard untrimmed, eventually grown out about eight inches, I was often addressed by younger, more polite street people as “Hey, Old timer”. Older, more mature businessmen, believe it or not, addressed me as “Sir”.  I often would forget what was written on the front of the hat, as I also am unconscious of my tattoos, which are also prominent and unmistakable. But occasionally, as I remembered, I realized I was unapologetically getting in the face of many who would rather I, and my like, were not there. I was a reminder that the system does not work for all. My demeanor fit the stereotype. I was not a drunkard or hopped up on drugs. I was able to survive on the streets, never being ticketed or arrested, but I was there and something didn’t fit … I didn’t fit. I didn’t fit the profile. Eventually, I lost that hat. It was no great loss, I should have thrown it away a long time before.

At a Thursday breakfast at the Presbyterian Church, shortly after Mary returned to Indiana, I was looking through a bunch of hats on a table and one kept my attention. It was corduroy, burgundy, with a large T in the center and slightly smaller A & M on each side of it. I knew immediately it was a Texas A and M cap, and it looked good, so I claimed it. Texas Agriculture and Mechanics, this is a college about 60 miles east and at one time a rival school to the University of Texas at Austin. I realized that if I wanted to get in someone’s face, this was the hat to do it.

Now beard was trimmed to a civil length, and except for the fact that I usually have a backpack on I do not appear “homeless”. I am approached regularly by “pan handlers”, but I set them straight as to the realities. Most simply ignore my brandishing the A&M. I really believe they are afraid of biting off more than they can chew, but there are several former A&M alumni that have expressed their appreciation, and amidst a community, not so distant, a respect for being bold, though I admit initially, ignorantly.

Collateral Damage – July 12, 2013

What is the difference between the collateral damage caused by a landmine and that of an unmanned armed drone aircraft? Is there a moral difference between the use of one and the other? One is place there and virtually forgotten. The other is controlled by a technician, isolated and out of harm’s way, thousands of miles away. If this not the end product of all those video games we have placated our kids with throughout their formative years? Kill and be killed, only to resurrect and do it all again … and again. Antiseptic, conscienceless … clean assuming that there was a conscience there to begin with. Or is the conscience grown, developed … matured? And has our collective conscience not been sacrificed, the collateral damage of our lusts for higher technology and convenience?

Closet Heretics – July 12, 2013

A few years back a friend of mine, Don under the pseudonym Delbor Greebies, commented on a blog I had written about the spiritual relationship between a man and a woman culminating in the act of making love, that this was in fact the only “true” religion. I believe he was, or is, absolutely correct. All other religious functions which we engage in are merely artificial edifices that we construct as means of relating to one another under the auspices of an illusory deity presumed “Lord” over all.

Some reading this understand and know exactly what I am talking about. Some, the more culturally captive, possibly Fundamentalist, are quite offended by the idea. Some agree whole heartedly, although would never do so publically. To you, I would say, “You are in actuality a closet heretic. It’s Okay to come out of the closet. You don’t have to play somebody else’s game.”

What is your relationship to your spouse? Significant other? Domestic  partner? Whatever? ‘There’ is your relationship to your ‘god’… there is your experience with the ‘divine’.

Sunday June 23 - Sitting at a bus stop - For those who want more

 

Life is in limbo now, a kind of living purgatory. I’ve done all that I can do. All I can do now is wait … for someone who loves me, and has the same desire for me.

Buddhists’ teach that suffering is the result of our desires. There is much truth to this. Although I am not sure it is as absolute as purported.  The Bible speaks of “Hope deferred” resulting in the same condition, but once realized as being a fountain of life. I use my own words here.

So I wait and hope, believing to sometime “know” that which is hoped for.

And where two or more agree “It shall be done”.

I am sitting on a bench, waiting for a bus. Not knowing whether it is on time, running late, or detoured.

Some can relate. Many maybe most just don’t get it and haven’t got a clue. When you “get it” you have begun to “think” and your mind and cognitive resources have begun to enter dimensions of reality transcending material limits. But this is only the beginning. Spiritual exercise is requisite to grow and there are few willing to accept the work and responsibility of associated character which is Christ. Not egoist altruism, but the manifestation of life transcendent to “monkey brains”, the material reflection, imperfect and pervasive, the only reality most can consider.

I have found that the Church, though believing and attempting to be faithful to the teachings of Christ have misconstrued the concept of the “new birth”, to be born again. It is filled with animalistic contrivances, minds materially bound. Thinking patterns and reliance on thought forms learned over years, centuries and millennia. Transferred one generation to the next, and compounded error upon error.

Bob Dylan expressed a concept of thought which needs to be realized. He said “I’m gonna change my way of thinking”. I’m not sure he realized the depth of his statement. But that is exactly what the Church has failed to do.

Si, or rather “sins” are most often reduced to our behaviors … alcohol, drugs, illicit sex, theft, attitudes of anger which manifest as murder and every other anti-social behavior. We are told it is of these and the like we must repent. But we have lost the meaning of “repentance”, metanoia. We repent, we commit to change our “evil ways”, but we have missed it. We are still thinking, relying on thought forms we have been taught which too often are unable to relate and transcend the material. We are stuck, for all practical purposes led by blind leaders who have never actually experienced the reality of life beyond the here and now. We have not “changed our way of thinking”, we have “monkey brains”. And do not think that this is a criticism of the Church only. It is applies to any and all stuck in the rut of material reality, atheist, pagan believer alike.

“God”, the word, like so many others which infest the religious Christian vocabulary, has lost its meaning, not being realized and experienced as reported in the life of the man known as “Jesus” the Christ. Not that we do not have the resources to “know”, but the corporate entity calling itself the Church as a matter of self-preservation remolded and redefined what it could not comprehend, could not comprehend because minds or ways of thinking had not changed. Altruistic notions, born out of materialistic religious forms, are substituted for the real, a “real” that cannot be manufactured and is not a product of natural human intelligence, but rather a transcendent enlightenment, possibly realized as that of the unconscious … the Self. That which is in us, and of us, and all that is … The divine life that connects us all and everything, but we, for the most part, have been taught otherwise, such is an illusion and not real, it does not have material objectivity. We have lost the reality of the “spiritual”. If it is not literally materially based, it is not real. We have confused the illusion of the material as the only reality which exists. It does exist, but it is not all that exists, not even close. It is a reflection, and each one’s perception is unique, and subjective and unverifiable, not in any absolute sense. And some see and perceive more than others, but most remain satisfied experiencing and knowing only what may be understood as the lowest common denominator. And we call ourselves the “Church”. This is a reality I question.

May 22, 2013 – Over bearing, Domineering and Controlling

I’m pissed … so I am going to rant for a while.


Some people cannot understand or figure out that their ability and willingness to aide does not give them the right to dominate and control another, who is the recipient of the desired aide in question. To offer support, material and other, does not implicitly, and most definitely not explicitly, grant one the right or perceived obligation to control the lives situations and circumstances of the one receiving the desired support. The knowledge and ability of the one rendering aide is not a “carte blanche” permission to manage the one in need. Any knowledge is limited in its scope, and incomplete to understand the full nature of another’s personal situation. There are innumerable gaps which though presumed understood are in actuality misconceived and potentially destructive as they may be misinterpreted and/or ignored by the managing provider, in actuality a state of ignorance.

The responsibility and the right to determine the course and content of one’s life is that of the individual whose life’s situations are in question and not that of any “so-called” benefactor.

This is an area where I have found, through a rather broad range of experience, that there are significant differences in the attitude amongst religious groups. Not so much denominationally defined as they are regionally. Religious adherents in the northern areas of the United States tend to be more domineering and offer assistance “with strings attached”. In the south, there seems to be a general understanding and willingness to give what is needed as is necessary and observable … without strings and in consideration of the individual’s inherent personhood.

As a general rule, this is an area the “Christian” Church falls well short of. Aide may be offered, but seldom without a minimal expectation to assume a controlling influence over the recipient of the charity. The “Church” or possibly better stated “the mindset of the charity providers” fails to understand the ultimate “spiritual” work they would wish to see accomplished in the life of the one in need. There is a failure to learn from history and human psychology that “Spiritual” changes of a positive nature cannot be dictated from the outside, no matter how well intentioned they may be. Spiritual work and change is an individual process and is unique to every person in question. There are no hard fast rules of how it is done, or what may be expected. By force of will, or resource, alienation of persons so affected is the inevitable result. Spiritual effects, like the wind, cannot be controlled by one’s desires, but happen where they will, as may be thought a product of the divine influence. Religious creed, doctrine and dogma and the parties motivated therewith, regardless of emotional attachment to either “faith” or persons in need, have no understanding, except as is experienced in actual confrontation with the divine in their own life.

Obama is in town

Obama is in town and whether you can imagine it or not, he’s got things really screwed up. I know there are a few of you who are thinking “So, what’s new?” Well nothing actually, but you should see the streets of Austin. I mean in Washington, D.C. where he actually resides and travels about, they don’t take the precautions they are here. (I’m from the D.C. area and have spent considerable time in town).


I mean in a one block area along Trinity street between 7th and 8th Streets, I counted nine patrol cars lined up, just sitting … waiting. And as we stood on 8th street (between Neches and Trinity) we saw a minimum of half a dozen police SUV’s and an uncounted number of cruisers, all patrolling the area to see what they could do to clear the streets of the homeless. And in the past several days they have descended on the area around the ARCH and Salvation Army like starving wolves. And they have cleared the streets, for the greater part. But I know for a fact that most that are caught in their web are simply dumb about how not to be arrested. They are not criminals, any more than I am; they are only trying to survive. Yes, there are those I wish had been incarcerated a long time ago, those I would consider drug heads, but indiscriminately convicting the poorer innocent’s is not a fundamental value of our American system … Or is it?

The amusing thing is that just two blocks away Obama is being entertained by the officials of the city of Austin. But if you happen to be sitting in line, waiting to be fed a free meal at a local soup kitchen, you are subject to being arrested, which many have been. You see, sitting on a public sidewalk is against the law. Sitting anywhere, with any piece of your personal property next to you is against the law, it is defined as “camping” which allows the police to arrest you for breaking a city ordinance against camping, and the ones standing in line, sometimes sitting at their own risk, wearing Pro-Obama Tee-shirts celebrating the fact that one of theirs, an advocate for the poor and homeless has come to town. Never mind that they may be arrested in the fury that ensues.

becoming elusive

I have been contemplating this for a while, eventually, I just had to do it. Not that I endorse any form of violence, but I do cede that there is a time and a place where nothing but violent action can remedy an abusive situation of corresponding prolonged violence. But what I respect most of all, regarding this picture, is the fact that for nearly thirty years Geronimo and his band of followers eluded the American military and government. And to my mind, understanding their plight, they were “patriots” of the first order. And I do admit, there are tactics of becoming elusive I believe I apply to my own life and situation, which these few knew and practiced in their thirty year struggle a bit more than a century ago.

Thursday April 11, 2013 – Deep In the Heart of Texas

I am where I am supposed to be. I think, I believe … uh … maybe, I know … whatever.


There is a lot of philosophic and religious argument concerning “believing” as opposed to “knowing”. It appears as two camps each contending for its own concept of what constitutes thought forms which lead to understanding and experiencing the depths of reality. “Reality” being another issue of contention. What is it? And even “Is it?” How do we know or do we simply “believe”? Is all a matter of our existential experience or is a metaphysical explanation called for to fill in the gaps where our experience, and the experience of many others, simply is unable to fathom, let alone touch, feel, taste hear see and even intuit? So many questions and so relatively few answers, or at least, answers that can hold their own contending for the prize and acknowledgement of being “absolute”.

So here I am in Texas … Austin… the states capital city. A thoroughly modern (or postmodern, I’m not sure what the difference is), high tech, Yuppy infested haven for business and conservative values. So much that seems antithetical to the traditional “John Wayne” image portrayed in cinema, except for possibly a “redneck” attitude and a gamblers gun shooters spirit that won’t hesitate to call a bluff or step up too or even start a fight.

And I “believe” this is where “I” am supposed to be? That was stated more than just a little sarcastically (Notice the question mark). Yes … I “believe so”.

Some would argue that belief or believing in something is basically worthless. The only thing that can be relied on is actual experience, from which knowledge and eventually with enough experience, understanding is realized and from these a world view is established. There is some truth to this. This can establish an understanding upon which mental categories are erected and a conception, built on perceptions, of reality is constructed. Personal experience and ultimately “my” personal experience becomes the foundation for “all”, everything … Yours is fine for you, but I have my own and for me to consider yours as valid (if it does not jive with mine) would take me into the realm of “belief”, and that leaves room for doubt, because your experience is subjective to you and not an objective experience of my own. And my objective experiences, too me at least, can be relied upon … or can they?

Leading psychological research has proved beyond any reasonable doubt that our perceptions of reality, through our sense, cannot be totally relied upon. The fact is there is a lot more there than we as human beings can realize. It is obvious in the fact that other creatures we are all well accustomed to can perceive things well out of range of human ability. Dogs for example have the ability to detect odors about 600 times better than humans. Bees have the ability to recognize colors far beyond the spectrum men can see. Whales and dolphins communicate over vast distances under water through their own innate sonar. Peering deeper and farther into the universe through the use of advanced and ever more powerful telescopes, we see the universe expanding and greater wonders becoming a part of our once closed reality. All these becoming a part of our collective consciousness, and all a matter of “knowledgeable” fact. These things we “know”.

But wait a minute. All this “knowledge”, all that we can now claim to “know”, first, in the mind of someone, or maybe, a few or many someone’s, was conceived as a possibility. First was “believed”, and then set forth as a postulate, and then experimented with. And in some cases re-evaluated and retried until eventually proven or disproven. But knowledge itself seldom “just happened”. I’m not contending that it can’t, I know for a fact that sometimes … it does. But that is not the norm. I have learned that I can trust what others might consider intuitive perceptions. But they don’t always “just happen”. They are not anything that actively works against my ability to reason. And I become increasingly convinced these actually correspond with and supplement conscious reasoning. But they are not to be neglected, neither are they allowed unbridled reign, to have their own way, but are considered, and then with reasonable consideration and apprehension, experimented with, and let the results prove themselves. But this is belief first, leading to the acquisition and experience of some certain knowledge, and this “knowledge” something hither too incomprehensible. A gift from the universe as I allow myself the liberty to believe something is possible. Not conceived of from books or other sources, but intelligence transcendent, yet innate to me as I am a human being.

So … I believe this is where I ought to be. Doing what I ought to be doing. And as I live and experience life, in me, all this is confirmed. Yes … it is my subjective reality that I objectively live. I do not recommend it for everyone, except to open yourselves to the possibility of experiencing more of reality than it may be thought conventionally acceptable.

Seven times seventy

A personal problem I have always faced is not quitting. I could not and still can’t, figure out when it’s time to quit. This has morphed into another similar problem, “When is it time to give up on somebody?” Jesus, was asked by his disciples how often should they forgive someone, seven times? He answered them “Seven times seventy”, implying that there is no limit to how often forgiveness should be extended. And this I can only wonder at, when is it time to “give up” on another human being?

Friday March 29, 2013 – Use the RestRoom at your own risk

You’d have thought that I was wanted for murder. One, two, three … No … four cop cars, descending and surrounding us as we exited a public restroom at a skateboard park about a mile and a half from where we camp. This is along our usual route into town, but we had just recently become aware of the availability of the public toilets.


Mary went in and was taking care of business and I was stand outside the door, guarding and making sure she had the necessary privacy. I watched several dozen kids and young adults as they practiced their skateboarding technique and at the far end of the complex BMX bikers diving into a huge concrete bowl constructed for their enjoyment. I really must say that I am impressed with what the city has done and the skills I observe being accomplished by these young people.

As I waited, and I believe most men will understand the waiting for a woman in the restroom, a young man, I would guess in his early twenties, rode over from the bike area and rode his bike back and forth through the curved channels usually used by the skateboarders. He came to the end and made an abrupt turn to circle back and sped by me within a foot or so. He was glaring … bearded and resembled a young version of Chuck Norris. He circled around and repeated his course, pulling by me even closer. It appeared he was trying to intimidate me. I didn’t move, I didn’t say a thing … I refused to react. He peddled his way back to the bike section and his buddies who were waiting.

Mary came out of the restroom and I went in to do my thing. I exited the restroom and I noticed Mary looking somewhat perplexed and staring towards the parking lot. I looked and a police car was there and two officers walking towards the restroom. I didn’t think anything of it so we started on our way continuing into town. We had gone about twenty-five yards and I glanced back. One of the officers was motioning with his hand for me to return. I turned around and walked back toward him. “Take your hands out of your pockets”, he said as we approached each other, and I complied holding my hands out revealing that they had nothing in them.

“We received an anonymous phone call saying there was someone suspicious in the restroom matching your description”, he said, “It may have been a crank call, but we have to check it out, and you did just come out of the restroom”. He proceeded to ask for my I.D. and I gave it to him. He was asking numerous questions concerning my situation. “Is that the only hat that you have?” I wear a baseball cap that says “House the Homeless”, it is well worn and sweaty. I received it on New Year’s Day at a function for the homeless sponsored by a lawyer who renders aid to the homeless. It is the name of an organization he started to secure housing opportunities for the homeless. “Yes, it’s the only hat I have”. The officer continued questioning. The second officer looked at my I.D. and then handed it to a third officer who took it to his car to run a check. It was then that I noticed that we were surrounded by three squad cars.

The first officer and I continued in polite conversation. There were some questions I would not answer regarding our living situation. “Are you homeless?” … “Yes”, I replied. I then told him about coming to Austin and having my I.D. run previously. The first time falling asleep on the hill above the ARCH and the conversation I had with that officer. Then about another time in October, Mary and I were in a park near downtown and it appeared Mary had fallen asleep while I was reading. “You mean you can’t do that?” he asked. “Yep … not since the crackdown downtown.” He was shocked. He was unaware of the extent of what was happening downtown. I told him how we had migrated out of downtown to stay out of trouble.

The third officer returned with my I.D. and handed it to the first, “He’s clean”, he said. My I.D. was then returned to me and I informed the officer of the young man’s actions with the bike and I suspected it was he who made the call. “You had no words with him?” … “No, none at all.”

The officer thanked me for my cooperation and we continued on our way. It was then that I noticed the fourth cop car.

Use the restrooms here at your own risk, and teach your children well … they do in Texas.

Thursday January 31 - Moving Camp

We moved camp last night. For the prior couple of weeks there had been tell-tale signs of increasing activity by park personnel near where we set up camp. There were bright yellow ribbons hung on branches indicating a pattern of some future development, or at least clearing of the brush and dead downed trees. Last week as we were leaving camp we saw signs along the sidewalk and streets advising of a showcasing of upcoming restoration and redevelopment along the creek near us. We checked out the associated web site and knew what was up. It was becoming clear that sometime soon camp would have to be moved, even though actual construction would not occur until this summer. There would no doubt be engineers and park personnel traipsing through in preparation of what was to come.


As we return to our camp location yesterday evening, I could see that the wind had blown some of the cover off our concealed belongings. This was not a major concern as nothing had been tampered with. Then Mary brought something to my attention that was of concern. A large log that partially blocked a pathway into the stand of bamboo and underbrush had been moved. Not just a few inches but it had been dragged at least 15 feet back into the brush. This log had been situated directly next to our concealed things.

Well, it was clear to me we could not, or at least should not set up camp here anymore. Mary was very quiet and almost ready to chuck it all I.E. "We're screwed". Fortunately, toward the end of last week (or was it earlier this week, I forget) we had taken a walk a bit more than a mile north exploring and searching out potential sites to relocate our camp, and did find a few prospects. So after commiserating a while, we waited for it to get a bit darker. I then got the tent and sleeping bags and we made our way just under a mile up the road and set ourselves up for the night. At 3:30 A.M. this morning I was up and returned to our original camp and retrieved the remainder of our things (a travel bag with assorted clothes and coats, food bag and bag with cooking gear.

Our current location does afford sufficient live trees and large ferns to conceal our belongings during the day when we are away, but tent space is minimal. Yet, I don't know that a "perfect" location exists, but there are more options, all with their pluses and minuses.

Mary has been going to the clinic regularly and has been advised to apply for her disability. Earlier this week she saw a lawyer, associated with the ARCH who councils the homeless for free, in order to get the ball rolling. We need to get by the Social Security office ASAP and get her work history to give to the lawyer. Next week is filled with clinic and hospital tests (heart and Mammogram). Two weeks ago it was to the hospital for respiratory tests. Smoking has done its damage. Mary has become eligible for "Case Management" at the ARCH. This will provide the needed guidance and incentive to get things done in order.

I doing well, physically and spiritually. I can walk long distances without effort. After a while Mary begins to struggle, although I think she has been doing better lately. I'm not sure if it is the newly prescribed inhaler or getting into better physical shape. I know I am in better shape than I have been for years. My weight is way down (all that walking) and I really should consider some more pants with a smaller waist. I was eligible ten weeks ago for "Case Management", but after meeting with a "Case Manager" "we" the CM and I, decided case management would not be a good fit, considering my personal goals. So, I trust God (you supply your own definition) and be faithful to what is before me and look for and take advantage of opportunities as they appear and listen to and follow what I recognize as sound advice.

January 5 2013 - Blessing and Curse

Well we made it through the Christmas - New Year’s Holidays, it was a little bit of a blessing and a curse. Things started out well enough I suppose, but we were hit with some bitterly cold weather for several days and Mary came down with a cold, which she dutifully passed on to me. That was just before Christmas, but we got through the "bitter" cold end of it, and discovered being in a tent, in sleeping bags, cuddling together does have its therapeutic advantages. Just before Christmas, while standing in line at Caritas for lunch, a black man was giving all the "newbies" the rundown, on what to expect over Christmas. First, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we can expect people to be coming from everywhere, doling out food and clothes, blankets and whatever they can imagine the homeless might need. And, "and I quote" "If you see a bunch of niggers gathered around some guy shaking hands, be sure to get in the crowd and shake the preachers hand" … You can expect he will be handing out money. Well, we did not experience anything quite like that, but all day long, Christmas Eve, people were showing up with food and whatever. The plain fact is, we couldn't keep up with it.


On Christmas Day we sat across the street from the ARCH, all we wanted to do was to rest and get a few hours’ sleep. Yes, car loads of food and just about anything else were being trucked in, but we didn't care. We were already full from the day before. But while we were sitting, just minding our own business, a black man, who we had seen around the Arch for a while, came up to us and said he wanted to give us a gift. He held out his hand and put $10 in mine. He said it was because he had watched us and respected the way we conducted ourselves, never fighting (I corrected him with "in public") and being a "civil" example. He told me to get something special to eat with the "lady". Well, what do you say? Thank You. About an hour later we were sitting, minding our own business and a young man comes up to us and taps us on the shoulder, "Would you like to go out to eat … at Luby's". Luby's is one of the nicer restaurant/cafeterias, and the food is the best. Mary and I looked at each other and said "Sure", we then followed the young man to his car, where his mother was waiting and we all introduced ourselves. While driving to Luby's, about 6 miles away, the young man called his fiancé and arranged for her to meet us there. There Mary and I feasted. I mean we took advantage of it. As we finished and left, Mary and I shared how we came to be "homeless" and returning to the center of town, they gave us each a small financial gift and bag of assorted necessities. We departed their company and returned to where we had originally been seated.

Over the New Year’s holiday a local lawyer, who works with the homeless, had a party for the homeless at one of the larger churches and distributed thermal underwear, scarves, gloves, hats and other cold weather necessities, and also had a top notch band entertain the lot during the festivities.

The only real inconvenience was having to run back and forth to the pharmacy, which didn't have the required prescription for Mary, but we managed.

So, the weather appears to be beginning to warm up, a bit. If it doesn't get any worse than it was recently, we will do fine, neither one of us wants to go to the shelters, unless it is absolutely called for.

The Wolf Pack

We come back from the library, and sit across the street, on the grass next to the parking lot. You see, we don’t feel that comfortable mixing in the usual bullshit that occurs amidst the crowd on the sidewalk next to the ARCH. We are waiting for the “preacher” lady to show up who is there every Monday and Tuesday evening along with one of several groups of volunteers, to feed the homeless. Every so often we notice a police squad car passing by, slowly, checking things out. Eventually more from the crowd across the street at the ARCH come and sit down beside us. Nothing really happening, just sitting, waiting for dinner. A squad car pulls by, and then turns into the parking lot. We all take it as a message to get up, stand up, and move. We don’t want to be accused of anything inordinate. As we get up we look behind us. There, not 20 feet away, three bicycle cops, standing … watching us. No one saw them show up, but they are there. The squad car pulls up next to them. Mary and I take a walk up the hill, just to get a little distance away. We stand under a tree and observe, just out of the way enough and hidden by some SUVs and cars. The “preacher” shows up and sets up her tables. We make our way back across the street, being careful to cross at the corner; we don’t want to be sited for J-walking. We get in line with about 150 others, maybe more. The preacher is playing her worship music on a portable amplifier, then makes an announcement that we are waiting for the dessert to show up. Volunteers are unloading food and preparing to serve the nights meal. Across the street the police are waiting, watching, eyeing the crowd. They seem to be looking for something. Occasionally a few of them confer and one heads on to confront someone. … Nothing … this time … they run a man’s ID … nothing. A wolf pack … I feel so secure … Welcome to America … Land of the “Free”.




.

Synchronicity - an example

"Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described in this terminology by Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychologist, in the 1920s.[


"The concept does not question, or compete with, the notion of causality. Instead, it maintains that just as events may be grouped by cause, they may also be grouped by meaning. A grouping of events by meaning need not have an explanation in terms of cause and effect." Wikipedia, - the free encyclopedia

We take two routes back to where we camp. Last Saturday afternoon we took the back route, which is through a rather large park and is used for walking dogs, jogging, walking, football and virtually any other field activity. We were early so we sat on a bench for a few hours and simply relaxed and I listened to a few mp3 lectures.

In the field across the path a number of dog owners were playing with their dogs and one in particular caught my attention, "That one looks like the dog I used to have". I was referring to a rather large golden colored dog, possibly a Golden Retriever or maybe even a smaller Leonberger. "It's tail is identical to the ones our dogs have". This dog reminded me of one of the Leonbergers we had, and I spent considerable time walking and playing with in the back yard. It brought back some good memories, I loved those dogs, and especially Bogart, the bigger male. Bogart was not as bright as the smaller female, Leyna, but he was lovable, and needed the extra attention. You see, as a pup, he had been mistreated and kept in a cage that was way too small for such a large dog, and when we got him we knew there must have been some abuse. But, he fit into the family, and was an excellent watch dog, and very protective of us, and the smaller female.

Yesterday my daughter posted an update on her Facebook page, it read "Animal Lovers; My mom's beloved leonberger, Bogart, died this morning at the house. I'm at a lost. What do we do with a 150lbs dog? Who do I call?"

Was this a synchronistic event or just some sort of coincidence? … Coincidence? … No I do not believe so … There are too many such too simply be a thing of chance. And as Jung and others have proved, happen more often than we realize, but we have been taught to write them of, to ignore them. We have been taught wrong … and there is a great deal more we can get out of life, that "God" or the "universe" would have us experience, IF we are willing to consider that there is more, and we don't have it all together, like we were taught.



.

Monday November 26 – two Ghosts and the Boogeyman - Part Three

Scrooge faced a third ghost: “Scrooge looked about him for the Ghost, and saw it not. As the last stroke ceased to vibrate, he remembered the prediction of old Jacob Marley and lifting up his eyes, beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him.


“THE Phantom slowly, gravely, silently, approached. … It was shrouded in a deep black garment, which concealed its head, its face, its form, and left nothing of it visible ... But for this it would have been difficult to detach its figure from the night, and separate it from the darkness by which it was surrounded.

“He felt that it was tall and stately when it came beside him, and that its mysterious presence filled him with a solemn dread. He knew no more, for the Spirit neither spoke nor moved.”

Friday night, late, or early Saturday morning, 2 or 3 A.M. probably, we had a visitor. Apparently Mary heard something first, but she thought it was me, so she stayed huddled in her sleeping bag. I heard someone come along side me, and I believe they said “Excuse me”.

My first thoughts were “Damn … It’s the cops.” Then I thought, “Wait a minute, something is wrong here. The cops would be shining their flashlights at us to keep us blind.” And there were NO lights. So I peeked out from under my sleeping bag, and what’s this I see. The ass end of someone crawling up the hill with their pants down, I mean bear assed. I was a bit in shock, but I continued to watch and whoever this was found them a place about 15-20 yards up the hill from us. I wasn’t about to challenge this visitor. He was minding his own business and keeping a safe, respectful distance, so “You stay there and we’ll stay here”.

A bit later I started moving around a bit and this must have awaken him. I could tell where he was by his silhouette, other than that, he was pitch black. He apparently stood up, I thought he was going to leave, but as I watched, he appeared to be “heaving” – throwing up what may have been consumed earlier in the evening. His head hung down and I could tell he had a large hoody on and he reminded me of this third ghost, or the “grim reaper”. Then I thought “It’s the boogeyman”.

“Boogeyman is an amorphous imaginary being used by adults to frighten children into compliant behavior. The monster has no specific appearance, and conceptions about it can vary drastically from household to household within the same community; in many cases, he has no set appearance in the mind of an adult or child, but is simply a non-specific embodiment of terror. Parents may tell their children that if they misbehave, the bogeyman will get them. Bogeymen may target a specific mischief — for instance, a bogeyman that punishes children who suck their thumbs — or general misbehavior, depending on what purpose needs serving. In some cases, the bogeyman is a nickname for the devil.” Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia

He slid down the tree he was against and laid there for the rest of the night. I was watching him for the better part of the night from then on until I eventually fell asleep. I woke about 5:30, we got ourselves together and went on our way. Our visitor was dead to the world and oblivious to anything from his descent down the tree on.

I believe we have no ghosts to be afraid of, I believe the “boogeyman” is real, but more scared of us than we are of him, and if we pay him no mind, he will not come back. The ghosts are illusions, the product of one man’s genius. They are metaphors of life. We can accept them, and live in them, or we can dispel them. It’s our choice. It’s our choice to remain in ignorance and suffer want, or defines our own reality around us, homeless or housed comfortably in the midst of family and friends.

Monday November 26 – two Ghosts and the Boogeyman - Part Two

Charles Dickens, in his “A Christmas Carol”, wrote of three “ghosts”, the ghost of Christmas Past, the ghost of Christmas present and the ghost of Christmas yet to come. The second, the ghost of Christmas present was described thus: “It was clothed in one simple green robe, or mantle, bordered with white fur. This garment hung so loosely on the figure that its capacious breast was bare, as if disdaining to be warded or concealed by any artifice. Its feet, observable beneath the ample folds of the garment, were also bare; and on its head it wore no other covering than a holly wreath, set here and there with shining icicles. Its dark brown curls were long and free; free as its genial face, its sparkling eye, its open hand, its cheery voice, its unconstrained demeanor, and its joyful air. Girded round its middle was an antique scabbard; but no sword was in it, and the ancient sheath was eaten up with rust.”


Towards the end of this ghost’s visit with Scrooge, Scrooge noticed something peculiar and: "Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask," said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit's robe, "but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?"

"It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it," was the Spirit's sorrowful reply. "Look here."

“From the folding’s of its robe, it brought two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

"Oh, Man! look here. Look, look, down here!" exclaimed the Ghost.

“They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meager, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shriveled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.”

Prior to Thanksgiving I had begun to wonder whether I, or should I say we would have found ourselves under this spirits robe. I don’t believe that to be the case now.

You see, over this week of “Thanksgiving” I have witnessed, and been the beneficiary of a lot of peoples generosity. Starting with the Resource Fair for the Homeless, and Thanksgiving dinners five out of seven nights, including a virtual stampede of volunteers stepping over themselves (and occasionally us) to see that we had anything and all we wanted. I mean I have never seen so much volunteer service put forth by a community. Many, if not most, came from some religious setting, many, just out of the kindness of their hearts. On Thanksgiving Day itself, in the parking lot across from the ARCH, Individuals as well as Church groups were constantly parading in with food, and some with blankets and other assorted clothes. It has been said, and more than once, “it is impossible not to eat in Austin”, and from what I’ve been experiencing, that holds a lot of truth.

It is true, on a natural way of thinking, there could have been a lot more in the way of “coordination”, spreading the blessing over a longer time frame. But that is not the point. The point is people, for whatever reason “giving of themselves”. And there is no way any of us receiving can be thankful enough. Yet there are those who can only find their place under that robe. You see it in the faces all the day long. You hear it in the bitching and griping, ignorance and want.

"Spirit! are they yours?" Scrooge could say no more.

"They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased…”

I am finding, I believe WE are finding, we do not have to suffer the fate of ignorance and want. We are being provided for. Some may simply attribute this to “God’s” grace upon us. Others, our following the innate connection we have with the universe, and subsequently seeing things fall into place. I don’t believe it matters which you believe. It’s all the same. Only different methods and perspectives, but, it’s all the same. Yet I do wonder, as some have expressed, “it’s great to have this kind of outpouring at this holiday season, but what about the rest of the year?” I have no answer. I can only attest to what I have been seeing and personally experiencing, and something is working, and I’m not to overly concerned about the rest of the year. It will take care of itself when it gets here.

Continued

Monday November 26 – two Ghosts and the Boogeyman

Monday November 26 – two Ghosts and the Boogeyman


From early October for the next six weeks we had been “camping” most nights in a small park at the south end of the University of Texas. On “game nights” we would find alternatives so the “kids” could throw their party and we wouldn’t be in the way. This was a pretty well hidden location as we eventually pulled back in under the cover of some trees and bushes which hung over us as a canopy. But, eventually we were paid a visit by the UT campus police, three of them at 2:30 in the morning. And informed we could not continue to stay there. We had our I.D’s run again and cooperated as we were instructed and the campus police were polite and cordial enough as they recognized we were no threat.

So we began our search for another spot we might regularly return too. It took a couple of days, and during this time we would make do wherever we happened to be. We are now located at a spot, to remain undisclosed for the time being, that is relatively well hidden and out of sight of most, as long as we do not stay past sunrise each morning. We will continue to search for an even better site, but walking distances and those” fucking Austin hills” can prove inhibiting.

Shortly after we were evicted from our first base we received sleeping bags, which greatly improved our comfort through the nights that are beginning to turn cold. We made it huddled under a few blankets, but there is a hell of a difference.

Sleeping bags in order, I am now thinking about things to carry us through the winter. I have been told “snow” is generally not a problem here, but we might expect rain and the coldest months are the end of January through February. Considering personal past experience “camping”, I have little doubt a couple of “Yankees” can make it through a “confederate” winter with a little planning and common sense. But, there are shelter options available should we find the need. Beginning this week we will be looking into “case management” services to help us get our birth certificates and Texas I.D’s together. We will look into new glasses for Mary come mid –December.

continued

Sunday November 18 - More fair Stuff

Sunday November 18 - More fair Stuff


Well there are a lot more homeless around here than we originally figured. And as well, a lot more people from the "outside" contributing their time, energy and resources to meet the need. I can only guess at about 1500-2000 homeless and about half that number volunteers. And at points it was a real circus. You couldn't tell what was going on, but once you found something you could recognize things went smoother. But getting through the plethora of venders offering services was enough to drive one crazy, if not to the point of discouragement.

I did talk to a woman who works at the ARCH as a "case manager" and confirmed that case management could help both Mary and I get some things needed together, without imposing their own ideas on us or attempting to change things we are already committed too. So, eventually we will look deeper into the "CM" services.

There were also legal and medical providers vending their services, but we did not look into them at this time, but it's nice to know they are there and if needed CM can make the right connections. Mary currently makes use of the ARCH clinic and this gets her required meds. Now I guess we'll have to look into vision care as her glasses were lost with her purse yesterday. But the means are there.

A group known as "Mobil Loaves and Fishes" fed this entire bunch yesterday. They operate the food trucks that frequent the area distributing meals to the poor and homeless. It was really rather impressive. It would probably remind many of a mobile army field kitchen and well run. They obviously have been doing this for a while and have the experience to make it work.

The afternoon was spent laying around on the grounds of the Austin State Hospital. This is, or at least was, a "mental hospital", although there was virtually no evidence of any current activity. I must admit having the thought that they were "measuring us for size." There certainly was enough room to accommodate the lot of us. The thing is, none of the real "truly" crazies that frequent the ARCH never showed up. I guess they were scared of the location, possibly having been here before.

Looking at the mass of broken humanity I could not help but think of Moses, leading the children of Israel out of Egypt. That must have been one hell of a job. And though so many have come together to provide basic services and needs, and even though some parrot the religious rhetoric espoused by well-meaning providers, there was no value system which met the real spiritual needs of these who at the near close of the fair wandered off in their separate directions, each finding their own ways in a setting increasingly hostile to them. It reminded me of the final scene of my favorite motion picture, "Lawrence of Arabia".

Lawrence, who at the end of World War One tried to help organize the Arabs into an independent entity, had just been promoted Colonel in the British Army. He was being chauffeured to a port and return to England. Along the way he passed Arab Bedouins he had led and fought alongside with. They, returning to what he knew was, for the time, was to be a life of subjection to Imperial powers, greater than what they were capable of contending with. I believed he realized "he was British", he could not help them, they had to learn and come to a place where they could help themselves. A place of adapting to the world , as it is, and yet retaining the values and traditions that make ones culture unique and valuable.

Despite all the negativity I believe there is a sort of "tribal" value system that is being experienced amidst the homeless, similar to the "hippy" experience of the sixties. True, there is No unifying philosophy or code of ethics, except the natural recognition of the individual conscience for that which is innately and universally accepted good and of value. It is not perfect, but potential. And There are rebels, unwilling, or unable, to accept any value system.

Saturday November 17 - The Paradox, Living In Austin

Saturday November 17 - The Paradox, Living In Austin


Today was a mixed blessing and loss. It started out at a bus stop. In our hurry to get on the bus, half awake, and not quite in our right mind, we boarded and went about a mile. I noticed Mary holding her day pass and told her to put it away safe. A few moments later she looked at me, in shock, "I left my purse back at the bus stop."

"Well", I said, "We'll have to go back and get it." So we got off before our destination and walked back to the first bus stop. Well … it was gone. I checked the trash cans on each corner, but no luck. Essentially this contained her "life" … meds, I.D., birth certificate … whatever might be important and needed … glasses … damn.

Well, we immediately figured there are ways to replace all of these … it is just a pain in the ass to have to structure your life around all of this "stuff". So, we bite the bullet and plan accordingly. And thus we caught the next bus and proceeded to our original destination.

We were on the way to a "Homeless Resource Fair". We had preregistered at the ARCH a week before and they provided day bus passes for us. This "fair" is sponsored by an organization called ECHO and their purpose is to assist the homeless, similarly to that of the ARCH. "Front Steps" is the organization who runs the ARCH and works closely with ECHO.

ECHO coordinates the efforts of numerous social and medical agencies and puts on this Homeless Resource Fair once a year. And there are more agencies than I can put my finger on who are ready, willing and able to lend their support, time and energies into this event. And this is where the "paradox" manifests. At the fair sleeping bags and back packs are given to the homeless. Clothes, shoes, gloves, stocking caps, medical care, dental care, vision care, toiletries, showers, haircuts, and just about anything else you can imagine one living on the streets might need. About 900 sleeping bags are given to any who need them, and these provided by the Downtown Austin Community Court … the same court you must appear before if you are ticketed or arrested for sleeping in a public area. Yet, we have sleeping bags, and back packs. Of course, I can't take my sleeping bag into the library … "It's against our rules".

This is a battle of "wills" and spiritual values I can see here in the Austin community. There are those who would like a hard line against the homeless, and there are many. They find the homeless presence and embarrassment. This week there is a Formula One race taking place in Austin and the police have orders to clear the streets of the homeless. There is an expected 200,000 international visitors coming and we don't want the homeless presence. They smell, they beg, they are dirty and they do not reflect our capitalistic corporatist values. They "do not" exist in "our world", at least, not if they can't be seen.

Then there are those who for whatever reason recognize that such a situation exists, which would leave a man, a woman, a child … without house or home or resources to what are considered normal expectations in life. These causes for this are innumerable. Yes, drugs and alcohol can play a part, so can psychological conditions, bad decision making … the list can go on and on... even matters of "no fault" must be considered. Yet there are persons of vision and faith who realize the value of a human being, imperfect as any may be. And these give of themselves to help, some by profession … others by volunteering. And the thing that motivates them may be just as innumerable and complex as the cause of the necessity. And, we can not discount the religious motivation. Yet, those who are, for the most part, are soft spoken about it.

And I am believing, even though the city fathers and civic organizations are pressuring the courts (and the police), not all, as part of these structures are as hard lined as the "John Wayne" types would like them to be. After all, the courts gave me a sleeping bag.

More about this tomorrow … But that sleeping bag sure made a hell of a difference last night …. Ask Mary.

Wednesday November 7 - Even My Enemies

Wednesday November 7 - Even My Enemies


I used to be a very staunch Evangelical. I would argue with most that I never quite "fully" made it into the "fundamentalist" camp, although I did associate with many of that persuasion. Still, in much of my language there is a remnant of this influence. I will contend now that although these were the affiliations I had, and still respect (for the most part), I never actually was a die-hard, down to the nitty-gritty Orthodox "Christian". Now, understand, I did learn a great deal from many teachers, some who would hardly ever be considered such, and I do not without qualification reject Orthodox theology whole heartedly. I do find it to be too literal minded and misses the point in too many of its supposed absolutes. I do believe there is the need for reassessing the whole of the "Christian" faith in light of historical accuracies and more contemporary scientific insights. To put it plain, Let's cut the "fairy tales" and focus on the truth.

Now I know what I am writing will offend a large number in the "Orthodox" community who I have had friendly, and better than friendly relationships with. I also know that my more "open minded" friends who are not Christian, or affiliated with any such religious or "spiritual" affiliation will also take offense at my more verbal position. Well, get over it. I am what I am and not too disposed to change or accommodate anyone's particular understanding of "God", "reality" or the universe … whatever.

I believe I truly have made friends across the spectrum of religious and political ideologies and appreciate you all, BUT, I am me, and I am (as might be expressed by my Evangelical brethren) following "God" as I hear him, and as I find him. This does not please many. You don't understand me. You may wish that I would get it together and get a job, and get over all this … whatever it is that I am into. Well … this is the way it is … And this is me … Take me, or leave me.

Yes I believe I am following God, as "He" communicates to and through me. To tell the truth, I'm not sure I like the word "God". It as antiquated and over used and abused by virtually any and every "religious" entity wanting to garner support for their "pet" "religious" cause. And I cannot leave out the secularist who really haven't a clue as to the difference between true "spirituality" and defunct religion … In your own way … It's all a load of crap. But that does not affect or disqualify that which truly is an innate human quality, in relation to higher virtues and character, some things not so easily defined in our lexicon of human traits.

I find even amongst those I would scarcely ever reach out to as friend, a drawing near that quite frankly in the natural I would have a great deal of problem explaining. Not by trying to influence or going out of my way to be friendly (As a matter of fact I am quite cautious and reserved in who I extend friendship too) but by being myself, (reserved as that may be) I draw those who I would otherwise reject. And they extend their friendship to me. We find an acceptance, for who we are, as we are what it is that we are. This may sound "cryptic", but it is perfectly natural. Being myself, not knowing the effect I have on others, They are drawn. Some may say it is "God", some that which is the natural working of our connectedness and the nature of the universe. I say, It doesn't matter … It's all one and the same.

Over the past few days I have noticed a picture several friends have posted with a quote by Thomas Jefferson relating that differences in religion, politics or "whatever" do not qualify as a reason to drop a friend. Proverbs 16:7 says "When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him."

I have found such … such who would normally be considered an "enemy". But He respects me, He thinks I'm "cool" and has given me a nick name. And all I have been doing since I have been here is rejecting his offers to "Make some money", illegally or at the least, questionable. But, we can be friends. I think it only takes a little understanding … on my part … he is only trying to survive.