Sunday June 23 - Sitting at a bus stop - For those who want more

 

Life is in limbo now, a kind of living purgatory. I’ve done all that I can do. All I can do now is wait … for someone who loves me, and has the same desire for me.

Buddhists’ teach that suffering is the result of our desires. There is much truth to this. Although I am not sure it is as absolute as purported.  The Bible speaks of “Hope deferred” resulting in the same condition, but once realized as being a fountain of life. I use my own words here.

So I wait and hope, believing to sometime “know” that which is hoped for.

And where two or more agree “It shall be done”.

I am sitting on a bench, waiting for a bus. Not knowing whether it is on time, running late, or detoured.

Some can relate. Many maybe most just don’t get it and haven’t got a clue. When you “get it” you have begun to “think” and your mind and cognitive resources have begun to enter dimensions of reality transcending material limits. But this is only the beginning. Spiritual exercise is requisite to grow and there are few willing to accept the work and responsibility of associated character which is Christ. Not egoist altruism, but the manifestation of life transcendent to “monkey brains”, the material reflection, imperfect and pervasive, the only reality most can consider.

I have found that the Church, though believing and attempting to be faithful to the teachings of Christ have misconstrued the concept of the “new birth”, to be born again. It is filled with animalistic contrivances, minds materially bound. Thinking patterns and reliance on thought forms learned over years, centuries and millennia. Transferred one generation to the next, and compounded error upon error.

Bob Dylan expressed a concept of thought which needs to be realized. He said “I’m gonna change my way of thinking”. I’m not sure he realized the depth of his statement. But that is exactly what the Church has failed to do.

Si, or rather “sins” are most often reduced to our behaviors … alcohol, drugs, illicit sex, theft, attitudes of anger which manifest as murder and every other anti-social behavior. We are told it is of these and the like we must repent. But we have lost the meaning of “repentance”, metanoia. We repent, we commit to change our “evil ways”, but we have missed it. We are still thinking, relying on thought forms we have been taught which too often are unable to relate and transcend the material. We are stuck, for all practical purposes led by blind leaders who have never actually experienced the reality of life beyond the here and now. We have not “changed our way of thinking”, we have “monkey brains”. And do not think that this is a criticism of the Church only. It is applies to any and all stuck in the rut of material reality, atheist, pagan believer alike.

“God”, the word, like so many others which infest the religious Christian vocabulary, has lost its meaning, not being realized and experienced as reported in the life of the man known as “Jesus” the Christ. Not that we do not have the resources to “know”, but the corporate entity calling itself the Church as a matter of self-preservation remolded and redefined what it could not comprehend, could not comprehend because minds or ways of thinking had not changed. Altruistic notions, born out of materialistic religious forms, are substituted for the real, a “real” that cannot be manufactured and is not a product of natural human intelligence, but rather a transcendent enlightenment, possibly realized as that of the unconscious … the Self. That which is in us, and of us, and all that is … The divine life that connects us all and everything, but we, for the most part, have been taught otherwise, such is an illusion and not real, it does not have material objectivity. We have lost the reality of the “spiritual”. If it is not literally materially based, it is not real. We have confused the illusion of the material as the only reality which exists. It does exist, but it is not all that exists, not even close. It is a reflection, and each one’s perception is unique, and subjective and unverifiable, not in any absolute sense. And some see and perceive more than others, but most remain satisfied experiencing and knowing only what may be understood as the lowest common denominator. And we call ourselves the “Church”. This is a reality I question.

May 22, 2013 – Over bearing, Domineering and Controlling

I’m pissed … so I am going to rant for a while.


Some people cannot understand or figure out that their ability and willingness to aide does not give them the right to dominate and control another, who is the recipient of the desired aide in question. To offer support, material and other, does not implicitly, and most definitely not explicitly, grant one the right or perceived obligation to control the lives situations and circumstances of the one receiving the desired support. The knowledge and ability of the one rendering aide is not a “carte blanche” permission to manage the one in need. Any knowledge is limited in its scope, and incomplete to understand the full nature of another’s personal situation. There are innumerable gaps which though presumed understood are in actuality misconceived and potentially destructive as they may be misinterpreted and/or ignored by the managing provider, in actuality a state of ignorance.

The responsibility and the right to determine the course and content of one’s life is that of the individual whose life’s situations are in question and not that of any “so-called” benefactor.

This is an area where I have found, through a rather broad range of experience, that there are significant differences in the attitude amongst religious groups. Not so much denominationally defined as they are regionally. Religious adherents in the northern areas of the United States tend to be more domineering and offer assistance “with strings attached”. In the south, there seems to be a general understanding and willingness to give what is needed as is necessary and observable … without strings and in consideration of the individual’s inherent personhood.

As a general rule, this is an area the “Christian” Church falls well short of. Aide may be offered, but seldom without a minimal expectation to assume a controlling influence over the recipient of the charity. The “Church” or possibly better stated “the mindset of the charity providers” fails to understand the ultimate “spiritual” work they would wish to see accomplished in the life of the one in need. There is a failure to learn from history and human psychology that “Spiritual” changes of a positive nature cannot be dictated from the outside, no matter how well intentioned they may be. Spiritual work and change is an individual process and is unique to every person in question. There are no hard fast rules of how it is done, or what may be expected. By force of will, or resource, alienation of persons so affected is the inevitable result. Spiritual effects, like the wind, cannot be controlled by one’s desires, but happen where they will, as may be thought a product of the divine influence. Religious creed, doctrine and dogma and the parties motivated therewith, regardless of emotional attachment to either “faith” or persons in need, have no understanding, except as is experienced in actual confrontation with the divine in their own life.

Obama is in town

Obama is in town and whether you can imagine it or not, he’s got things really screwed up. I know there are a few of you who are thinking “So, what’s new?” Well nothing actually, but you should see the streets of Austin. I mean in Washington, D.C. where he actually resides and travels about, they don’t take the precautions they are here. (I’m from the D.C. area and have spent considerable time in town).


I mean in a one block area along Trinity street between 7th and 8th Streets, I counted nine patrol cars lined up, just sitting … waiting. And as we stood on 8th street (between Neches and Trinity) we saw a minimum of half a dozen police SUV’s and an uncounted number of cruisers, all patrolling the area to see what they could do to clear the streets of the homeless. And in the past several days they have descended on the area around the ARCH and Salvation Army like starving wolves. And they have cleared the streets, for the greater part. But I know for a fact that most that are caught in their web are simply dumb about how not to be arrested. They are not criminals, any more than I am; they are only trying to survive. Yes, there are those I wish had been incarcerated a long time ago, those I would consider drug heads, but indiscriminately convicting the poorer innocent’s is not a fundamental value of our American system … Or is it?

The amusing thing is that just two blocks away Obama is being entertained by the officials of the city of Austin. But if you happen to be sitting in line, waiting to be fed a free meal at a local soup kitchen, you are subject to being arrested, which many have been. You see, sitting on a public sidewalk is against the law. Sitting anywhere, with any piece of your personal property next to you is against the law, it is defined as “camping” which allows the police to arrest you for breaking a city ordinance against camping, and the ones standing in line, sometimes sitting at their own risk, wearing Pro-Obama Tee-shirts celebrating the fact that one of theirs, an advocate for the poor and homeless has come to town. Never mind that they may be arrested in the fury that ensues.

becoming elusive

I have been contemplating this for a while, eventually, I just had to do it. Not that I endorse any form of violence, but I do cede that there is a time and a place where nothing but violent action can remedy an abusive situation of corresponding prolonged violence. But what I respect most of all, regarding this picture, is the fact that for nearly thirty years Geronimo and his band of followers eluded the American military and government. And to my mind, understanding their plight, they were “patriots” of the first order. And I do admit, there are tactics of becoming elusive I believe I apply to my own life and situation, which these few knew and practiced in their thirty year struggle a bit more than a century ago.

Thursday April 11, 2013 – Deep In the Heart of Texas

I am where I am supposed to be. I think, I believe … uh … maybe, I know … whatever.


There is a lot of philosophic and religious argument concerning “believing” as opposed to “knowing”. It appears as two camps each contending for its own concept of what constitutes thought forms which lead to understanding and experiencing the depths of reality. “Reality” being another issue of contention. What is it? And even “Is it?” How do we know or do we simply “believe”? Is all a matter of our existential experience or is a metaphysical explanation called for to fill in the gaps where our experience, and the experience of many others, simply is unable to fathom, let alone touch, feel, taste hear see and even intuit? So many questions and so relatively few answers, or at least, answers that can hold their own contending for the prize and acknowledgement of being “absolute”.

So here I am in Texas … Austin… the states capital city. A thoroughly modern (or postmodern, I’m not sure what the difference is), high tech, Yuppy infested haven for business and conservative values. So much that seems antithetical to the traditional “John Wayne” image portrayed in cinema, except for possibly a “redneck” attitude and a gamblers gun shooters spirit that won’t hesitate to call a bluff or step up too or even start a fight.

And I “believe” this is where “I” am supposed to be? That was stated more than just a little sarcastically (Notice the question mark). Yes … I “believe so”.

Some would argue that belief or believing in something is basically worthless. The only thing that can be relied on is actual experience, from which knowledge and eventually with enough experience, understanding is realized and from these a world view is established. There is some truth to this. This can establish an understanding upon which mental categories are erected and a conception, built on perceptions, of reality is constructed. Personal experience and ultimately “my” personal experience becomes the foundation for “all”, everything … Yours is fine for you, but I have my own and for me to consider yours as valid (if it does not jive with mine) would take me into the realm of “belief”, and that leaves room for doubt, because your experience is subjective to you and not an objective experience of my own. And my objective experiences, too me at least, can be relied upon … or can they?

Leading psychological research has proved beyond any reasonable doubt that our perceptions of reality, through our sense, cannot be totally relied upon. The fact is there is a lot more there than we as human beings can realize. It is obvious in the fact that other creatures we are all well accustomed to can perceive things well out of range of human ability. Dogs for example have the ability to detect odors about 600 times better than humans. Bees have the ability to recognize colors far beyond the spectrum men can see. Whales and dolphins communicate over vast distances under water through their own innate sonar. Peering deeper and farther into the universe through the use of advanced and ever more powerful telescopes, we see the universe expanding and greater wonders becoming a part of our once closed reality. All these becoming a part of our collective consciousness, and all a matter of “knowledgeable” fact. These things we “know”.

But wait a minute. All this “knowledge”, all that we can now claim to “know”, first, in the mind of someone, or maybe, a few or many someone’s, was conceived as a possibility. First was “believed”, and then set forth as a postulate, and then experimented with. And in some cases re-evaluated and retried until eventually proven or disproven. But knowledge itself seldom “just happened”. I’m not contending that it can’t, I know for a fact that sometimes … it does. But that is not the norm. I have learned that I can trust what others might consider intuitive perceptions. But they don’t always “just happen”. They are not anything that actively works against my ability to reason. And I become increasingly convinced these actually correspond with and supplement conscious reasoning. But they are not to be neglected, neither are they allowed unbridled reign, to have their own way, but are considered, and then with reasonable consideration and apprehension, experimented with, and let the results prove themselves. But this is belief first, leading to the acquisition and experience of some certain knowledge, and this “knowledge” something hither too incomprehensible. A gift from the universe as I allow myself the liberty to believe something is possible. Not conceived of from books or other sources, but intelligence transcendent, yet innate to me as I am a human being.

So … I believe this is where I ought to be. Doing what I ought to be doing. And as I live and experience life, in me, all this is confirmed. Yes … it is my subjective reality that I objectively live. I do not recommend it for everyone, except to open yourselves to the possibility of experiencing more of reality than it may be thought conventionally acceptable.

Seven times seventy

A personal problem I have always faced is not quitting. I could not and still can’t, figure out when it’s time to quit. This has morphed into another similar problem, “When is it time to give up on somebody?” Jesus, was asked by his disciples how often should they forgive someone, seven times? He answered them “Seven times seventy”, implying that there is no limit to how often forgiveness should be extended. And this I can only wonder at, when is it time to “give up” on another human being?

Friday March 29, 2013 – Use the RestRoom at your own risk

You’d have thought that I was wanted for murder. One, two, three … No … four cop cars, descending and surrounding us as we exited a public restroom at a skateboard park about a mile and a half from where we camp. This is along our usual route into town, but we had just recently become aware of the availability of the public toilets.


Mary went in and was taking care of business and I was stand outside the door, guarding and making sure she had the necessary privacy. I watched several dozen kids and young adults as they practiced their skateboarding technique and at the far end of the complex BMX bikers diving into a huge concrete bowl constructed for their enjoyment. I really must say that I am impressed with what the city has done and the skills I observe being accomplished by these young people.

As I waited, and I believe most men will understand the waiting for a woman in the restroom, a young man, I would guess in his early twenties, rode over from the bike area and rode his bike back and forth through the curved channels usually used by the skateboarders. He came to the end and made an abrupt turn to circle back and sped by me within a foot or so. He was glaring … bearded and resembled a young version of Chuck Norris. He circled around and repeated his course, pulling by me even closer. It appeared he was trying to intimidate me. I didn’t move, I didn’t say a thing … I refused to react. He peddled his way back to the bike section and his buddies who were waiting.

Mary came out of the restroom and I went in to do my thing. I exited the restroom and I noticed Mary looking somewhat perplexed and staring towards the parking lot. I looked and a police car was there and two officers walking towards the restroom. I didn’t think anything of it so we started on our way continuing into town. We had gone about twenty-five yards and I glanced back. One of the officers was motioning with his hand for me to return. I turned around and walked back toward him. “Take your hands out of your pockets”, he said as we approached each other, and I complied holding my hands out revealing that they had nothing in them.

“We received an anonymous phone call saying there was someone suspicious in the restroom matching your description”, he said, “It may have been a crank call, but we have to check it out, and you did just come out of the restroom”. He proceeded to ask for my I.D. and I gave it to him. He was asking numerous questions concerning my situation. “Is that the only hat that you have?” I wear a baseball cap that says “House the Homeless”, it is well worn and sweaty. I received it on New Year’s Day at a function for the homeless sponsored by a lawyer who renders aid to the homeless. It is the name of an organization he started to secure housing opportunities for the homeless. “Yes, it’s the only hat I have”. The officer continued questioning. The second officer looked at my I.D. and then handed it to a third officer who took it to his car to run a check. It was then that I noticed that we were surrounded by three squad cars.

The first officer and I continued in polite conversation. There were some questions I would not answer regarding our living situation. “Are you homeless?” … “Yes”, I replied. I then told him about coming to Austin and having my I.D. run previously. The first time falling asleep on the hill above the ARCH and the conversation I had with that officer. Then about another time in October, Mary and I were in a park near downtown and it appeared Mary had fallen asleep while I was reading. “You mean you can’t do that?” he asked. “Yep … not since the crackdown downtown.” He was shocked. He was unaware of the extent of what was happening downtown. I told him how we had migrated out of downtown to stay out of trouble.

The third officer returned with my I.D. and handed it to the first, “He’s clean”, he said. My I.D. was then returned to me and I informed the officer of the young man’s actions with the bike and I suspected it was he who made the call. “You had no words with him?” … “No, none at all.”

The officer thanked me for my cooperation and we continued on our way. It was then that I noticed the fourth cop car.

Use the restrooms here at your own risk, and teach your children well … they do in Texas.